LIFE has a way of throwing things your way when you least expect them and you aren't quite ready for them. We have a standing joke (if you can call it that) around our home that is repeated constantly. Never, ever, NO NEVER ask..... "Oh Lord! What else can go wrong?" When, not IF, but WHEN you ask that question, the Lord always answers.... and it's usually not the answer you expected...
Call it any name you like: Fate, Destiny, God's Will, Murphy's Law. The saying still goes, "A rose by any name still smells as sweet." Unfortunately, when you're talking about life, "It happens, you deal or you die trying." And those of us who have been around awhile know it often isn't sweet by ANY name. LOL!
At the end of October, my mother had a mini-stroke. It was a narrow miss as far as I was concerned since I spent several hours in an emergency room wondering what the heck was wrong and if she'd live through it. The mortality of my Mom sunk in full force and I was determined she was about to adapt the healthiest lifestyle for a woman her age that was humanly possible (whether she liked it or not! Oops! Did I have lesson to learn there.) Over and over I thought, "She just can't go on me now. I NEED HER!"
She and We pulled through that ordeal and I thank God DAILY that I have her. I also thank Jehovah, Allah, Buddah, the Roman Gods, the Egyptian Gods, Mickey Mouse, and every other God and icon I can think of, just in case I miss one and he or she gets angry with me. I'm covering all bases on this one, thank you very much!
Then one of my best friends died. He'd been at my home the day before laughing and in a good mood. Then, out of the blue, with no warning he just up and croaked the next day! I "thought" he was one of the healthiest people I knew. Another blow and more prayers went up.
Two weeks later, Mom has ANOTHER stroke. I haven't mentioned all the "little things" like broken cars, family woes, and a host of other problems I was going through with others in my hemisphere. It just didn't seem to stop. I began to understand what that fellow Job may have felt like and I was determined to develop more patience and a bit more perseverance. It didn't help much, but it kept me going. But this time, I twisted the theme a bit and thought, "Well, not much more can go wrong, so it's got to be better sailing from here." Oops! It had slipped out.... same theme, different wording.
Aside from dealing with immeasurable grief and sorrow, I was wondering just what was happening to turn my world upside down. It was a form of "What else can happen"..... and I really, REALLY SHOULD have known better than to even THINK it!
A month or so later, just when we thought we'd missed the bullet and I was beginning to relax, my father fell ill and needed heart surgery. Aside with grief and all the aforementioned feelings, everything was compounded with guilt because I couldn't be with him physically. Even so, I was by his side in heart and spirit, and on the phone daily, praying and hoping he'd be okay. He had to wait about a month for his surgery to get "stronger." This particular practice among the medical profession still confuses me. HOW can one get stronger when the very thing they need surgery for is getting them down? It just doesn't compute!?!?!?!
During all of the above dilemmas, I learned that, no matter what your age, you do NOT, can NOT, never, ever, EVER are allowed to TELL your mother/father how to live their life. For the record, it doesn't matter if you are RIGHT or you're following the doctor's orders to the letter. It ain't Kosher and it never will be, at least to them, so don't try.
Again, I thought to myself.... "Gee, Lord (Gods and icons), this IS a little much... but hey, I'll deal because you say I can. I will believe you and trust you." Dad got better and survived his surgery. He is A-okay for now. When it finally sunk in he'll be around a while longer, I felt that the aforementioned Gods were through with me for a while and had moved on to bigger and better miracles, but alas, this was not to be the case.
Next, my daughter fell ill with what seemed to be a very strange illness. She's my ONLY child... so I stepped up to the plate to be strong for her. There was no time to be upset or worried about how "I" felt about it all. I would save that for later, AFTER this particular storm in life had passed. That's what Mothers do, ya' know. Every one and every thing got tossed out the window. I existed solely to soothe my daughter, ease her stress and suffering and I was searching frantically to find some way to make her feel better.
Several bouts of illness, two emergency room visits, several doctor visits, specialists, and all they did was keep running tests looking for some phamtom pregnancy that didn't exist. This was annoying to said daughter because that was the "last thing" she had been thinking about for almost two months going through it all! But pregnancy was the theme and was the only thing "they" thought a 19 year "could" have that caused her symptoms. My poor daughter was miserable and, by this time, in excruciating pain. I won't mention other very unpleasant symptoms out of respect for those of you reading this who have a weak stomach.
Needless to say, she was dropping weight quickly and no one could figure out what was wrong. Now THAT was the worst agony I've ever gone through, HANDS DOWN. I got angry at one point but I kept it to myself. I sure didn't want to make matters worse by tempting fate or the Gods... but the thought was there... "This is quite enough, Oh Gods of the universe, please stop NOW!" rang through my head frequently.
She was finally diagnosed with gall bladder disease. That is just unheard of with a 19 year old. She required surgery. They had to take her gall bladder. I am, by this time, at my wit's end.... and of course, imagining the worst as we awaited her surgery. I could withstand almost anything, but NOT the loss of my daughter. SHE, on the other hand kept telling us, "Well, when I'm older and married, and I actually DO get pregnant, they'll have more room to grow." I was never sure if that was false bravado on her part or if she really was as nonchalant as she seemed. Either way, I was proud of her composure and demeanor while I was a complete emotional wreck until the surgeon came and said she would be fine.
At that moment, the angels sang and the heavens opened up for me, or at least it FELT like it. I was jumping up and down and screaming praises (inside, of course, not publicly) to every God I had ever heard of for keeping my "baby" girl safe. The same day, I heard the song, "Jesus Take the Wheel" and decided this might be a good time to give up all that worry.... so I did.
For the moment, everyone in my world is happy, healthy and things are going well. That's the "good news." The bad news is, just two weeks after her surgery, and prior to complete recuperation, my daughter, who swore she'd finish college, live on her own a year or two and THEN get married.... well... it all changed. It seems her "life and death" experience gave her some new perspectives which would alter her world (and my inner comfort zone).
She's contemplating marriage. In an of itself, I am happy for her and I want the best of what SHE wants in life. The only problem is, he's in the service, has a high risk job and she'll be moving away..... FAR away. She still plans on finishing college and keeping her plans intact for her career.... but some of us know those things can change. Whatever happens, I am still losing her... just in a different fashion. Any way you slice it, she's a woman now and must make her own decisions. All I can do is stand by and be her "Rah Rah Squad." I must now cut some strings which are very thick and hard to part with. I thought I'd be ready when the time came. Guess what. I wasn't! But I will be.... I'm just not sure when.
So there you have it... eight months of the stuff life is made of...
and I dare not ask again, "What else can happen." I KNOW THE ANSWER NOW.
Today, I re-read the poem, "Footprints in the Sand" and I look back at the last eight months. Whatever you call your God, I know mine, and possibly every known God to man and the universe, is staying just one step ahead of me, carrying me when I can't take another step and keeping me safe and sane. The one true pearl of wisdom I know is that faith was the ONLY way I'd have survived this time in my life.. and I'm now cured. I will NEVER ask what else can happen, or any derivative thereof. I have learned I WILL find out, again and again and again.
It's just one more reason I rely on my personal motto, "Live like hell is after you, Love like Heaven is in your face. Die happy!" ....
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